7/25/08

Become so numb inside till the lack of feeling I can't hide.
No pain, no anguish but also no happiness...
So I lie.

When asked how I'm doing, I say that I'm fine.
But inside I rot away, every second,
Continue to die.

I try so hard to free
My emotions from their confines,
But past memories,

Have set anima apart
Leaving stigma
Deep inside.

...

And even when I try to feel, the feelings I can't find.
Searched my heart, but it's locked and chained,
So i searched my mind,

Only to find more of the same.
Memories of lies and pain,

Brutal beatings upon my brain
Another scar to hide.

So I took up all my pain and locked it deep inside.

But how was I to know
That behind that lock
All manner of emotions reside?

I thought that if I buried it all away,
Then finally the pain would subside,
But now it's more exquisite,

For emptiness brings a pain of it's own kind.
Searching so hard for feeling, like a
Junkie desperate for his next high.

Reading writes,
Pushing
Detox to the back of my mind.

...

And now I've come to this place,
All but dead inside

Desperate to find somewhere to fit
But the pieces won't come together right.

And so I flick from write to write,
Dying to feel alive...

-DL Martin