Nickname:Brokenvegtable Country:United States City:i'm not an asshole like everyone else i'll read any poem you ask me too State:MA Gender:Male Age:29 Member Since:Apr 19, 2007 Last Login:Dec 05, 2008 Poems Submitted:597 Average Ranking: Poem Comments:699 Poem Views:23,361 Member Comments:248
i do believe that you could have put out three poems to this insted of writing this one poem ...... to me it seems you added to much content to this poem making it seem like it was dragged out ...... not saying that you cant write long peices but i think it would have been more powerful if it had been shortened and more poems made from this ...... the idea behind doing something is to keep the attention of the read while still keeping conviction and emotion throughout ..... im not saying you didnt do this but about half way though i found that the emotion was being overused and at that point i found myself amost wanting to skim over the rest of it knowing the end result that you were trying to make out ...... its good to keep reads at bay with words and not to drown them in emotion ...... i do understand the content of this poem and i do like where you took the poem it just in my opinion would have been better if you had broken it up over several poems .... it was my honor to read this and my pleasure to comment on it for you
this was a great poem ..... i really enjoyed this ..... not alot said but there was alot of emotion conveyed through them i could feel some hurt in the lines here..... but i also feel that in some points of this poem you could have opened up more and allowed the reader to feel a more personal side of you..... but you held back somewhat ...... i can understand why you might hold back ..... many people that write do hold back ...... sometimes it take a bit of work to open yourself to being able to allow yourself to free your feeling through you words ...... if you keep at it it will come in time i sure it will ....... great poem and it was my honor to read this and my pleasure to comment for you
Commented on the poem "L3T M3" on 11/22/08 at 01:59 PM
this poem kinda seems a bit forced to me ...... i guess its the back and forth of the line before let me and then the let me line ..... althought the poem does have alot of conviction i just think i could have been more powerful if you had taken a different way about it ...... this is only my opinion and it should not be taken as i dont like the poem its just how i see it ..... the only thing that matters in writting is if you like your work ..... everything else is indifferent it was my honor to read this and my pleasure to comment on it for you
Commented on the poem "Monogomy" on 11/22/08 at 06:57 AM
i have never been one for marrage i figure if you need a peice of paper to tell the world your together then i think your together for all the wrong reasons ....... i think its a bit to much of a hasle to go through the paper work and things of that nature ... i think love is love with or without marrage ..... just to combined property and things to me is not enough to go through with it all ...... i just dont want the pressure of having to be forced to marry someone jsut becasue its a tradition i think love is something that should be natural and not forced but then again not to many people would agree with me it was my honor to read this and my pleasure to comment on it for you
Commented on the poem "My Girls N Me" on 11/21/08 at 02:23 PM
what is this saying about you ...... this just reinforces the fact that you are superfical and will never really have true happiness if your always looking for the money and value of something then you are in fact calling yourself a whore who willonly be with someone for money reguardless of how much it may be ..... such a lost faith in the way people think today is sad ..... what a shame .... this is a dime a dozen poem many beofre you have said this and many after will to and you have not put anything in it to peronalize it seperating it from any other poem like this ...... its sad that you gona get looks on your poems becasue of the picture you have in your profile .... but then again that is the american way ...... just fuck your way to the top its alright no one really cares about you as a person anyway .....at least not those that your gona fuck
600 No More.....
April 20, 2007 at 01:11 AM
This is the first of five books, Any questions please PM me
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Commented on the poem "Thiz Goez Out 2 YOU (The Wanting 2 Be Lost, Waiting To Be Found)" on 11/29/08 at 06:52 PM
