it's not your fault that i loved you
it's because of that love, that i'm able to look thru ur transparent toxin coating, to the sweetness that lies beneath. no, you are not to blame, it's me.

i lied when i said i hated you. i made the Devil proud with my hate, and you aren't the reason i cried when you disappeared between my fingertips...
you evaporated like foggy dreams at dusk and yet yet had the nerve to materialize at dawn, to lay your head down...no
i don't hate you. i hate that i was so weak for you.

i had ample warning before i dove into your vastness. your wide open plain of oblivion into ......
a void...i believed you when you said 'i love you'...so i stopped thinking, and began feeling... and i felt what 'THE END' felt like with both hands on the concrete, because you kicked me off of cloud 9...
but i don't blame you...it's me...

i laugh at myself with you, became your Atlas and carried your burdens and mine...risked everything i didn't have to watch ur face contort into a half smile while saying to me...'well, it's not what i wanted but...'
but your heart was light and free and mine was troubled and heavy...it was my fault, really it was...for trusting you...the deceiver...
and for being me...the believer.

i gave you my heart fully, bad credit, no credit, no money down...and i was good for it...
u sold me several second-hand dreams in unequal, always delinquent eeeaaassssyyy installments...that were 'antique'
i guess we traded dimes for wooden nickels...

i promise you, you aren't THAT good...
because there's no love without trust and my trust fucked us...well trust fucked me...
and
see now...i'm all alone...

i did everything by the book...followed directions and cut no corners. i didn't even THINK about cheating...but now...
i'm smarter...

i won't do 1/3 of the shit i used to do, you know, be like the bitches i see around...
yea, they aren't in love, but they aren't in hate either...they aren't crying or lonely...and doing them is their only

goal in life....

so, fuck a nigga...

i can be my own fuckin wife...

~~~tbc~~