Why does it even matter.. The things I did in the past.. Whether I was happy or sad.. I’m dead now..
Whether I’m a virgin or not.. The feeling of sex.. Or love making.. It
Doesn’t even matter.. I’m dead now
Whether I smoked or drank.. The feeling of highness or drunk.. It doesn’t even matter.. I’m dead now..
Whether I experienced traveling the world.. Out the state.. Out the country.. It doesn’t even matter.. I’m dead now..

I look at the things I didn’t do.. I left this world with no goodbyes..
Didn’t make it home to tell my family "I LOVE YOU"..
But I’m dead now.. I apologize mama.. For leaving without saying goodbye..

And I’m sorry for all the drama that I brought into your life..
I was just trying to stand on my own two feet.. For my younger and older brothers to look up to me..
Didn’t mean to give you a hard time.. I took your love for granted.. All
the trouble I gave you.. But still u managed..
To love me.. And trust me.. To live my life on my own.. That I won’t run in troubles way.. you recognized I was grown..
But I love you.. I know I never had the chance to tell you.. I was gone use my success as a dedication of you raisin a good boy in the ghetto

I’m dead now.. There are people that I never had the chance to tell how much I appreciate..
I’m dead now.. Things that should have been said.. But I never had the chance to initiate..

I did not know I was gone die this day.. I would have told my grandma I
loved her while she was standing in my face.. Hours before I left the house.. When she had told me to stay.. If I knew I was going to die..These are the words I was meaning to say..

"Grandma.. I just wanted to tell you that you are the most important person in my life.. You've always done what’s right.. And you introduced me to Christ.. I live and move on because I know it makes you happy.. Just to see me growing up.. My silliness keep you laughing.. I love you with all my heart.. I would never leave you without saying goodbye.. I just wanted to say I love you.. If this is my last alibi.. But I don’t want to look down in heaven.. And see my grandmother cry.. Grandma just hold me in your arms.. And in your arms I will die.."

Why no sign of warning..
That this is my last day.. My last hour.. My last minute.. My last second..
My last breath.. My last step.. My last smile.. My last laugh..
My last drink.. My last meal.. My last shower.. My last bath..

My last everything.. I wish I can relive that day.. And see if I run over my bill on everything I has to say.. To the people that has an impact.. On the decisions I make in my life.. And the people who helped guide me when there was no light..
I love my bestfriendz..
Tina.. Domo.. Shaleece.. Nicole.. Candacee.. And keniece..
All of you are uniquely important to me..
Who should I start wit.. Let’s start with Domo.. First of all.. I really love you.. U are so special to me.. And I really mean it.. You deserve the best that god can possibly provide.. You beat the stereotype that black girls are a lie.. And I’m so.. So.. Sorry I did not say goodbye.. These are the things I would say if I knew I was gone die..

"Domo u is a friend that I really value.. Just because I know your valuable.. The things that you have.. Is not what you deserve.. But since I can’t tell you what to do.. You’re going to have to learn on your own.. I wish I can show you how you need to be treated.. Throw you in a mansion.. On an island.. When you clap your hands.. Servants are on their knees.. "What do u need your hinus".. Treat you like a queen.. Because you deserve everything.. And if this is the last thing you hear from me.. I just wanted to say I really love you before I leave "..

Tina.. You’ve been my friend.. I know we had our differences.. But you were always there in the end.. You’re the only person I can talk to when I’m not in a good mood.. You always make me laugh.. You’re a friend I don’t want to lose.. And whenever it came down to it.. You would never count me out.. And if I knew this was my last time seeing you.. These are the words that would come out my mouth..

"I never looked at it as if you were always there for me.. But whenever something went down.. You would always come run to me.. And I do so much for you.. Because you’re a lady.. And.. Your my best friend.. So anything you need.. Here is my hand.. I know you sometimes doubted our title.. And I sometimes left you for my other friends.. And people less important.. But I truly appreciate you.. I really do.. I know you never took me serious when I said this.. But best friend I LOVE YOU"

Ok.. Keniece.. Where do I start with you.. I am going to start with the fact that I completely trust you.. I try to tell you I love you as much as I can.. And really.. Really.. I’m so happy u found a man.. That u truly love.. And care for.. So no matter what happens.. It’s you that I’m there for..
And its things that remain a mystery.. Feelings i never showed.. And you always wanted to know.. So here it goes..

"I remember the first time we met.. My junior year in high school.. You walked in the classroom.. And by me u sat.. We clicked.. So quick.. Similar personality.. Both flirtatious.. But I never admitted to liking you.. Well.. I did.. I was crazy about you.. Why..?.. I don’t know..
But I was young.. I didn’t even know what to say to you sometimes.. You was always on my mind.. I didn’t know what to do.. I stayed single just to make myself available to you.. But we are older now.. And all I can do is reminisce.. Them was the happiest days of my life.. And it all led up to this.. YOU BEING MY BESTFRIEND.. It went from you being my boo.. To I really value u as a friend and nothing in this world can equal up to the love I have for you.."

Nicole.. You’ve always been there for me.. When I say always.. I mean always.. You was there for my better.. And worst days.. I remember one point in time I called you every night just to say goodnight.. We stayed on the phone so long that sometimes I didn’t eat.. I used to try to get home in time before you fall asleep.. Just so I can say goodnight.. Man I love you.. Leaving without saying goodbye will be hurtful.. So here is my goodbye.. Before I die..

"I’ve always looked up to you.. You’re so smart.. And just an overall positive person.. I would never want to disappoint you.. Because I really admire you.. I never told you.. But you deserve so much more credit than I give you.. You’re the reason why I’m in college.. You was my motivation.. I looked at the route you’re going.. And decided to follow.. And that gave me my own path.. Now.. I have followers.. And I am a leader.. I thank you for that.. I LOVE YOU"

Shaleece.. I’m so proud of you.. You went through hard times.. And all the things you did in the past.. You left it all behind.. You sometimes got me mad.. On decisions you would make.. Your life.. Well.. Revolved around sex.. Weed.. And play.. And I always use to tell you.. How do you continue doing what u do.. If you know you’re doing wrong. Well.. A young mind is allergic to maturity.. It took a lot for you to grow.. It took an infant.. More like an angel.. Now you can see the importance of life.. You no longer live for you.. You now live for her.. I’ve seen you in pain for too long.. I don’t want to see you hurt.. Because you look up to me so much.. I want you to look in to my eyes.. Don’t cry.. I’m not leaving you.. This is just a temporary goodbye..

"You’ve came a long way.. From when I first met you.. I use to tell you about every little thing you do.. But you.. Devoted to fun.. Never listened.. So now listen.. God blessed you with an angel that some people would call a mistake.. A daughter.. Janiyah.. You now have a responsibility.. No shortcuts through life.. You have to be all that you can be.. And I’ve sat back and watched you make decision.. After decision.. Now when I look at the outcome.. God was not mistaken.. I will always be watching you.. Except this time.. I’ll be watching from heaven.. "